I’m an incredibly talented time waster (see previous post) and children would only serve to cramp this remarkable and rare ability and that wouldn’t be good for anyone. You see, there is in fact absolutely NO time to waste when you have children; unless you have mastered space/time continuum, have discovered a wormhole which you are keeping a secret (which you shouldn’t, because this could be a LOT of fun for others too. Like a giant, inter-galactic slide), or have a TARDIS.
A perfect illustration of my ability to time waste is like the time that I started daydreaming once, a long time ago in my youth. Let’s see, I think I remember it was more or less the end of May 1989, about the time I was finishing school after my A-Levels. Then, all of a sudden, I was two weeks from my fortieth birthday!! How AMAZING is that?? Twenty two years wasted, in a blink of an eye, no effort involved at all. Not just anyone can do that. Nope!
(I have to very reluctantly admit though, that these two weeks were mostly spent drunk, sobbing, looking back at the things I hadn’t done that I should have done, like save money, ANY money, buy a house, start a pension, own a car, plan my funeral. You know, normal, everyday grown-up things), because that would detract from the celebratory nature of this entry.
So, my point is, when you are blessed with such a special gift as this, you must do everything humanly possible, within your power to preserve it, and that is my “reasons why I don’t have kids” #4.