I spend a lot of time gazing at newly purchased, beautiful shoes. I also put them on and take them off repeatedly, I walk around in them a bit, just to check they are still as beautiful and sexy on, as they are off. Usually, thankfully, they are.
Now, if I had children I would probably temporarily forget they were there, which would be terrible!! Obviously. This process of putting on, taking off, walking around and admiring in mirrors is almost meditative, and I disappear completely into my own, ‘are the shoes still beautiful and sexy? Aaahh, yes they are’ world. I have been known to lose minutes, nay hours and, no exaggeration, sometimes even whole days; putting on, taking off and admiring.
The poor children unwittingly involved in this situation would probably end up feral as they failed to capture my attention, and had to begin hunting and gathering the likes of CocoPops, turnips, cheese triangles and teabags and possibly eyeing up the pets, in order to survive. And I would not feel at all comfortable thrusting that upon them.
Although, on a positive note, they’d be more than prepared for the zombie apocalypse….. Every cloud.
My unhealthy shoe obsession is my ‘reasons why I don’t have kids’ #5