…… responsible for a gazillion teenage hearts breaking, when “bad boy”(I am also doing actual air inverted commas here), Zayn Malik announced his departure from the most successful boyband of all time. Ironically named, One Direction….. that direction being, into obscurity.  A gazillion more hearts were broken, when the remaining members of the band announced they were ‘taking a break’.  So basically eighty percent of the world’s population, of between 11-17 year olds (and a few ladies of a certain age), imploded in tearful puffs of smoke.

This conveniently allowed room for new spawn, and thank God for that, because these were the most important of all the spawn, being born into the privileged world of celebrity.  All the music babies arrived in suitable fashion.  For example, the new Mumford was sporting tweed and rumour has it, playing a nose flute upon exit and Saint West was wrapped…