Reasons Why I don’t have kids #39

Complete lack of logic, humans are so complex. When I say humans, I mean me

Picture this, if you will, a happy family scene, possibly Sunday after lunch – perfectly prepared by me – hot cavalier hubby, has retired to the sofa to read The Sunday Times supplements, and twiddle with his moustache. The kids, a boy and a girl (obvs.) are on the rug, playing together building something advanced, way beyond their years. Little genius architects in the making, that they are. One comes to drag on my apron strings while they both shout for me to join them, building the stuff. “Oh sweetie, mummy’s so tired after cooking the four course extravaganza, inspired by Nigella (or Nutella, as the spellcheck suggested) and Jamie. Maybe later.” Cue two little confused faces.

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Don't drink and split

Rewind one week earlier, same time, same scenario, but in the company of friends and their kids. Urged on by a baying crowd and fuelled by half a bottle of red wine, that very same mummy has just scrambled up from demonstrating proudly how to do the splits, with a “taDA!! ” finish, and is now attempting a handstand against a *too tempting, lovely white wall, on a full stomach.

No sense, you see. They just wouldn’t understand.

And that is my ‘reasons why I don’t have kids’ #39

*This is factual. When I see a perfectly unspoilt wall, I have to fight an overwhelming urge to mount it.

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