NIE TIE Sexy Flu: the Covid months, pt. 7

I have a mild dose of the flu after getting the jab this week. I figure that, combined with COVID antibodies, my superpowers should be kicking in right…about…now. I’m really stoked to see what I have. Eye lasers? Would love those. Invisibility? Could be fun. Ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound? Meh. […]

I’m an avatar, Steve: the Covid months, pt. 5

You know how, like, everyone has been starting a side hustle or a business or redecorated or got a new hobby or, like, whatever? Well, I’ve decided to learn how to play poker. #smugface #lifeskills I’ve been threatening to do it since Victoria Coren Mitchell won a major prize a few years back and then […]

Chat maths equestrian dick: the Covid months, pt. 4

‘Uff, yes, this year has been terrible. Especially for a man like me, who is very sexual.’ In the words of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, ^Big sigh. Huge^. I may be paraphrasing. Yes. Yes, I’m absolutely sure it’s been an awful time for *checks notes* your penis. Just remind me, this is 2020, right? […]

Wine mask antibodies kiss: the Covid months, pt. 3

‘I’m in a Facebook organised vigilante group that hunts down pickpockets on the Metro.’ So began my latest foray into dating. It’s been more than a year since I last mustered even a hint of enthusiasm for it. Goddam you all the way to Hell, Covid-19 ^shakes tiny fist at the heavens^. I finally arrived […]

Jobless Sleepless Pantless Cake: the Covid months, pt.1

Well, I don’t think any of us can deny, it’s been a wild ride. Sitting with two friends in a cafe in London, back in January, there was much talk of new clients, new contracts and full diaries. Even after many, many years of saying, ‘let’s never say again, “this is going to be the […]

Feb 14, 2020

Another day, another dollar. Or: another year, another day of somewhat forced reflection as to why I’m still single and not being awoken with a big fat portion of Instagrammable love. You know, a kiss and a coffee and a pain au chocolat flown in from Paris all the while looking forward to a day […]

To do list – 2020

• Marry an EU National. The end . . . . Only joking. About the ‘the end’ bit. Obvs. The marriage bit – notsamuch….. Otherwise this would qualify as the shortest (shittest) post I’ve ever written. This is not up for debate. Nobody seems to be taking me seriously. I’ve been tentatively tabling the idea […]

End of decade review

It’s a long one, strap in……. What. A. Decade. This time, ten years ago I was living with a man, managing a jazz festival in the north west of England and anticipating my oncoming forties with all the dread of a fever dream in which you are frozen to the spot as a juggernaut heads […]

World Mental Health Day 2019

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been three months since my last post and these are my sins…. I’m quite sure that not writing anything for this long is a mortal sin, but I need to look it up on Catholics.com (pretty much the exact name of the site I got the […]

For the love of sweet baby Jesus

What is with this heat? It’s not time….. Water is pouring out of every part of my body. What is happening? Why aren’t I smaller? Why this is hell, nor are am out of it….. I’m a bit hot. Scorching temperatures have arrived (it’s already 36 degrees) and are expected to increase in a freaky […]