Reasons why I don’t have kids #30

So based on the assumption that we do, indeed, inherit not only some of the physical attributes of our parents, but also, some of the psychological characteristics too, it would be safe to assume that my children would be a complete and utter, shambolic mess of neuroses and intolerances on an immeasurable scale, passed down the PANK line […]

Advertisement

Reasons why I don’t have kids #29 (warning: contains graphic verbosity)

So, having just caught up with this fashion segment about sale bargains (featuring my friend’s fashion company for pregnant women called Heavenly Bump), on popular British daytime show, This Morning; I cast my mind to how I might have fared during pregnancy.  What I noticed on the show, apart from the gorgeous dress for mamas, was how bloody beautiful […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #26

I am prone to extreme exaggeration…… and I quote, “So all consumed am I, by this overwhelming exhaustion “, see Reasons why I don’t have kids #25.  (In actual fact, I’m a little tired.)  My poor children would have no concept of reality. They would perpetually be ‘starving’, they would be ‘besides themselves with delight’ about […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #25

When I am tired (and in the grip of a completely unmanageable crush), I am, for want of a better expression, completely f*cking useless.  On all counts. On every level. This appears to be a fatal combination, as I’m learning quickly, a little to my detriment.  Although,  having said that, thus far, I have managed […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #24

I like weekends like this: Cocktails Roof terrace Chat Dinner Chat Wine Tango Chat Wine Death hour return home Beer New friends Tapas Chat Cava Wine Life-righting Whiskey Chat Bourbon Gut-spillage Death hour return home A little work Bourbon More gut – spillage A little work Wine Impromtu gig Making new friends The leisure of […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #23

Imagine the scene.  You are fourteen and eleven years old.  It’s Saturday night.  Your mum is flapping around the house, running backwards and forwards to the kitchen – in her turban, wearing glittery eye shadow and possibly her dance shoes.  She’s setting the coffee table with snacks and she’s already opened the cava. You’ve got […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #22

I am….. MAMA SCISSORHANDS Remember those terrible times as a child, when your mum thought she was Vidal Sassoon?   Have countless, slightly faded photos of you and your siblings, all with minutely different versions of wonky hair?  Re-living the embarrassment of walking into school with DIY bangs? Well, I would be that mother. If, when […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #21

I would probably have to be a REAL grown-up and not just fake it twice a year when the opportunity arose/I have the place to myself.  Honestly, I’m not entirely sure I’m well-enough equipped for this, I think it would be fair to say, that I can barely take care of myself. Being adult is a lot […]