Valentine’s Day

This might be the first time in my life, since boys started to be on my radar (circa 1849), that I kind of forgot about Valentine’s Day. Of course there is a little marketing to remind us, and I say that without a hint of sarcasm, but it really didn’t occur to me until today. […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #72

Taxi duties. As is documented quite well in this blog, I am a big fan of me time and relaxing at home. Like….. a big, big fan. BIG. ENORMOUS. It is also known that I possess a large array of ‘house trousers’, a term coined by my good friend MonkeySpangles over in the Twittersphere, an […]

Who’s with me?

Ok people, enough is e-bloody-nuff.   The world’s gone blewmin’ mad and I don’t know where to turn to avoid some kind of mega-crisis. And that’s not counting the existential one. That bastard, I gotta deal with on a daily basis, so I don’t need all this other shit pitching in.  You hear that universe? […]

*Something old, something new

I’ve fallen in love with my therapist!  It was inevitable (so I’ve been led to believe), but I didn’t expect it to happen quite so quickly. I’ve had one session……. Okay, so I’m not really in love. But you know, I could be.  All things considered (all in fact being one thing, and that one thing […]

Summer comes and goes…

  …….and I can’t believe there’s already Christmas food on sale in Selfridges. August flew by in a flurry of visitors, who came and went in shifts, that allowed me to perform a one day change-over in the manner of a top flight hotel.  A top flight hotel that resides in possibly the pissiest street […]

Love not hate

I don’t know how I really feel after the events of the last week.  After taking my brother and sister to the airport early this morning, before the hustle and bustle of a regular day in Placa Reial or on las Ramblas began, I took a walk down one of the most famous streets in […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #63

Sunshine and heat = kids just want to run around and have fun.  And also: I don’t….. My go-to hot weather strategy is to naked starfish in front of a fan, at every available opportunity.  I’d probably teach like this, if it was acceptable.  But for very obvious reasons, it’s not.  Poor students.  It does […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #62

I’ve outsourced my brain to my digital agenda…..  How do you Mum’s actually do it?  I can’t remember to clean my teeth if it’s not in my diary and I’ve set three different alarms to alert me to the alarm that alerts me to my gob.  Everything is in there, from the run of the […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #61

One day they could walk through the door, after a long day at school and say, “f*ck this sh*t mum, studying is for losers.  I want to take the UK all the way at the Eurovision Song Contest!”   “I’m going to have a giant pineapple on stage that I’ll crawl out of and start […]

Are PANK skills transferable?

Can I put ‘epic hugger’, ‘awesome present buyer’, ‘teacher of how to do the splits, while fuzzy on red wine’ on my curriculum vitae?  And if so, are these skills of any interest at all to two teenagers who are auditioning girlfriends for their dad?   I’m in my first significant relationship since the Mexican and […]