Things I have (and have not) done whilst under the influence

Soooooo, Roseanne Barr flip-flopped on leaving Twitter (one can only assume based on some sort of legal advice), and has returned within about twenty-four hours, with the pathetic excuse; the Ambien made me do it.

Let’s just take a moment to dissect this….. actually, let’s not. The racist thoughts are in your head and the racist shit came out of your mouth. It is only right that we should give Sanofi a standing ovation for the following:

“… while all pharmaceutical treatments have side effects, racism is not a known side effect of any Sanofi medication,” Ashleigh Koss, Head of Media Relations, North America.

Below is a list of nonsense that I have done, under the influence of various things:

Thrown up on the steps of my local.

Thrown up onto the Miami Vice style boat shoes, of a man who was chatting me up. It pooled. I’d been drinking snakebite and black.

Blacked out.

Thrown up out of the window of a moving black cab into on-coming London rush hour traffic.

Tried to steal a full-sized casino roulette wheel with a friend.

Tweeted utter shit which I have later deleted. And sometimes not.


Given myself alcohol poisoning.

Drunk phoned/emailed/texted.

Flagged down a car on Regent Street and offered the driver twenty quid to take me to Queens Park. He accepted. It was not a cab. Of any description.

Picked a couple of chaps up. Not at the same time.

Bought a spy kebab and cheese-n-chips at the Lobster Pot in Liverpool. Not at the same time.

And on and on the list continues……

The worst thing I ever said to anyone was when I was round at a friend’s in London for the evening, and after dinner we decided to have a little smoke. I asked her boyfriend a question, he was giving me an incredibly in-depth answer when I thought, ‘you don’t know what you’re talking about, do you?’ When he suddenly got up and went to bed, I realised I hadn’t thought it, I’d said it out loud. I apologised profusely. That was also the evening my friend and I fell about laughing, while miming being trussed up like gimps and mumbling our safe words, in her lounge………

I have been out of my mind on many an occasion, all over the place, with different things (I was the Prozac generation and lived in London in the nineties), and I have never said or done any of the following:

Had sex with someone who wasn’t my partner. Or even kissed anyone who wasn’t my partner.

Never said, ‘I was so drunk, I didn’t know what I was doing babe!’ As an excuse for having sex with someone who wasn’t my partner.

I have never wet the bed. Or worse.

I have never hurt anyone, except myself.

I have never damaged property.

I have never stolen anything (we got about five feet up the jetty before dropping the roulette wheel on my foot, cracking a bone in it, fell over laughing and crawled the remaining length to my friend’s boyfriend’s car). Karma is a thing.

I most certainly have not spouted a constant stream of vitriolic, racist bile.

And I have most certainly not blamed any of my own bad behaviour on anything other than my own recklessness and/or stupidity.

If you’re going to be a racist piece of crap, at least step up and own that shit. Take responsibility. Apologise. And mean it. Have the decency to at least be honest about your shitty views. So Ambien is responsible for this particular tweet, what about all the others? Eh, Roseanne?? It’s pathetic, it’s the lowest of the low and it’s weak. Roseanne Barr is only regretful she lost everything, that she only very recently regained. She’s not sorry. She’s sorry she was called out and suffered the consequences.

It completely baffles me that she didn’t realise the only person who could possibly get away with this sort of language, was the President of the United States. Dumb or what?

If you see it, call it out……


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