Wrap it up, wrap it up <does that choppy neck gesture thing>. It’s time. Does anyone know how to end things well? Drop me a line. I’m never very good with goodbyes. It feels right to end things here as the last two years have gifted numerous natural conclusions (except this fucking pandemic, apparently). We […]
From my end of year review 2020 – ‘As the weirdest year in our history (I hope) comes to a close, a tiny glimmer of light can be seen as vaccine programmes are rolled out around the globe. However, I am being cautious with my optimism. I’ve vowed to never say, ‘this is it, this […]
SOMEBODY FUCKING HUG ME already! For the love of sweet baby Jesus (topical) and all that is holy in the world, including mother Mary, and the universe, HUG ME! I’m imagining that this intense desire, deep within a place I didn’t know existed in me, is akin to the craving women get for babies. Am […]
I have a mild dose of the flu after getting the jab this week. I figure that, combined with COVID antibodies, my superpowers should be kicking in right…about…now. I’m really stoked to see what I have. Eye lasers? Would love those. Invisibility? Could be fun. Ability to leap tall buildings in a single bound? Meh. […]
You know how, like, everyone has been starting a side hustle or a business or redecorated or got a new hobby or, like, whatever? Well, I’ve decided to learn how to play poker. #smugface #lifeskills I’ve been threatening to do it since Victoria Coren Mitchell won a major prize a few years back and then […]
‘I’m in a Facebook organised vigilante group that hunts down pickpockets on the Metro.’ So began my latest foray into dating. It’s been more than a year since I last mustered even a hint of enthusiasm for it. Goddam you all the way to Hell, Covid-19 ^shakes tiny fist at the heavens^. I finally arrived […]
What is with this heat? It’s not time….. Water is pouring out of every part of my body. What is happening? Why aren’t I smaller? Why this is hell, nor are am out of it….. I’m a bit hot. Scorching temperatures have arrived (it’s already 36 degrees) and are expected to increase in a freaky […]
…extremely slowly. Never mind the slow-food revolution, I’m pioneering the slow-life movement. And when I say movement, I really mean a very gentle amble. When they say, don’t sweat the small stuff, you can guarantee I’m ‘glowing’ profusely pretty much all time. Progress is PANK speak for the smallest of things – paying a bill, […]
is a dish best served…….. with an enormous side order of abject panic. Three weeks ago I took delivery of a tiny kitten. I rescued him from a refuge/foster home after seeing him on the Facebook page, and after some weeks deliberating the pros (and many cons) of having a pet in a small flat […]
I was excited to hear he was a David Bowie fan. Finally something we had in common we could chat about…. an hour had passed in which I had heard that the ‘actor’ didn’t accept acting work because it’s basically ‘whoring yourself’, that he ‘liked his own (one block) circle’, hadn’t been in anything I […]
The Secret Diary of Anne Pank 