Reasons why I don’t have kids #26

I am prone to extreme exaggeration…… and I quote, “So all consumed am I, by this overwhelming exhaustion “, see Reasons why I don’t have kids #25.  (In actual fact, I’m a little tired.)  My poor children would have no concept of reality. They would perpetually be ‘starving’, they would be ‘besides themselves with delight’ about […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #17

Because, this madame would have been greeted by her bags on the doorstep and sent packing to the house of John Inglesino, who represented her in court and is the father of her best friend. Maybe not the best example of teenage parenting………. I concede. #whataspoiltbrat

Reasons why I don’t have kids #15

I have a really, very unhealthy obsession with men dressed as pirates, which goes so far as to me casually dropping into conversation with one of my students, a professional who recently held a fancy dress party for his partner’s birthday, to next time please theme it as pirates to ensure my attendance.  And also, upon seeing my ex […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #14

I am not very good when I am ill with *little things, like my ‘front head (otherwise known as my face) cold syndrome’.  I soldier on and go to work (mainly because I am freelance and have to because I don’t get paid if I don’t), am a martyr to the cause and like to go […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #12

I’m often smacked off my t*ts on Haribo. And when I’m smacked off my t*ts on Haribo I am out of CONTROL, man.  I can’t control my limbs, I see sparks, I can’t control my tongue, I’m unpredictable. I would fight my children for Haribo.  I would fight other people’s children for Haribo. And that […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #11

Because I am Lady Jesus and just look at what happened the first time I was around, walking the Earth and doing goodness to and for all.  Anyone connected to me was doubted, chased, persecuted, whipped, killed etc. etc.  I could go on….. terrible times.  I feel really bad about it. Now, knowing what it’s like to […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #13

I would be the worst kind of embarrassing parent. You see, I sometimes have to fight an overwhelming urge to lick beautiful arms attached to male humans.  I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about. No?  Just me then. I’ve only actually done it on two occasions.  Both involved a cocktail, a dare and […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #8

On the whole I like to think that I am a nice, positive, amiable person.  But it is true that, on occasion I am not and am instead in a very, VERY bad mood for NO. GOOD. REASON.  Like today for example. And when I am in said very, VERY bad mood for NO. GOOD. […]