billy! What was I thinking???
When I was chatting about the types that find me attractive now, old men, tramps and spitty people, you remember, I forgot to mention one key demographic from my observations. STARK RAVING LUNATICS WITH A MENTAL AGE OF 14!!!!!! Living out a teeny tiny soap opera inside their stupid – arse brains. (Doesn’t ‘stupid-ass’ sound better when you pronounce it ‘arse’, with a rounded vowel and the r? So much more pompous).
Stop. NOW. Before I lose my temper and tear you to shreds.
NB. Metaphorically speaking, with words. Because although I think I’m quite strong for a little person, I’m more than sure I do not possess the actual physical strength to push a hole in your chest and pull out your still beating heart, in the style of the tribe leader in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.
Nor could I rip off a leg and club you to death with it, which is what I would really like to do right now and I most certainly do not possess massive canine teeth or claws for the shredding thing. I wish I did, that would be cool.