billy!  What was I thinking???

When I was chatting about the types that find me attractive now, old men, tramps and spitty people, you remember, I forgot to mention one key demographic from my observations.  STARK RAVING LUNATICS WITH A MENTAL AGE OF 14!!!!!!  Living out a teeny tiny soap opera inside their stupid – arse brains.  (Doesn’t ‘stupid-ass’ sound better when you pronounce it ‘arse’, with a rounded vowel and the r?  So much more pompous).

Stop.  NOW.  Before I lose my temper and tear you to shreds.

NB.  Metaphorically speaking, with words.  Because although I think I’m quite strong for a little person, I’m more than sure I do not possess the actual physical strength to push a hole in your chest and pull out your still beating heart, in the style of the tribe leader  in Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom.

Nor could I rip off a leg and club you to death with it, which is what I would really like to do right now and I most certainly do not possess massive canine teeth or claws for the shredding thing.  I wish I did, that would be cool.