Now, I think I’m a pretty reasonable woman, I like to go out with my friends, I’m sociable and fun, I like to meet and chat to people, have a drink and a dance.  I’m interested in interesting people.  But there really is an art to the chat-up, a certain etiquette if you will, that one should follow, or at least try to take into consideration before approaching a group of slightly tipsy, intelligent women, who will bat you around like a wounded sparrow.  It really isn’t rocket science.  

The Ten Chat-up Commandments according to Annie P: First installment, lessons one – five

The likeness is uncanny.

Thou shalt not let thy opening gambit be, “You look like Leonardo DiCaprio” – I appreciate that he is sometimes handsome, but it may have escaped you that he is a man.  And so by the very nature of that fact, if you are talking to a woman, it’s highly unlikely she will be flattered.  Trust me.  Likewise if you say, Johnny Depp, Zac Efron, Channing Tatum (personally, I don’t get this last one, but apparently he’s popular with the kids.  Too much beef in his neck for my liking).  Despite their handsomeness, it’s irrelevant, they are men, this is never going to proffer positive results.

Thou shalt not continue digging.  It’s aleady too late, your initial impression has been indellibly seared onto the brain of your target, and will not be buffered by the following: “Wait, that’s a compliment“, nor “No, no, like a female versión.”

Thou shalt offer up a cup of wine in penance for your misdeed and not refuse point blank to buy the object of your ‘affections’ a drink.  Do you not know (British) women at all??  This is the way of the world.  “Hello there, sorry about that, you’re pretty/I saw you in the restaurant/you seem interesting.  Can I buy you a drink?”, “Thank you, that would be nice/no thanks you’re a bit scary.”  See how easy that is?  Either way, you know where you stand.  “Hello there, sorry about that, you’re pretty/I saw you in the restaurant/you seem interesting, can I buy you a drink?”  Repeat after me.

Thou shalt observe the five first basic steps of the human mating ritual;  meet, chat, offer drink, take number, invite to dinner……… after that depends on the motive of both parties.

Thou shalt not completely bypass the above and say, “Why don’t you come to my house in Sitges?”  Um, let me think for a moment…..apart from the fact you said I look like Leo?  Because I don’t know you and you might hack me into tiny pieces, eat a piece of my liver and then feed the rest of me to the seagulls, in delicious beak-sized morsels.

To be continued………………..

*Tune in tomorrow for the next installment of, ‘How Not to Woo Women’.