~ fin ~

Wrap it up, wrap it up <does that choppy neck gesture thing>. It’s time. Does anyone know how to end things well? Drop me a line. I’m never very good with goodbyes. It feels right to end things here as the last two years have gifted numerous natural conclusions (except this fucking pandemic, apparently). We […]

2021 End of Year Review

From my end of year review 2020 – ‘As the weirdest year in our history (I hope) comes to a close, a tiny glimmer of light can be seen as vaccine programmes are rolled out around the globe. However, I am being cautious with my optimism. I’ve vowed to never say, ‘this is it, this […]

Chat maths equestrian dick: the Covid months, pt. 4

‘Uff, yes, this year has been terrible. Especially for a man like me, who is very sexual.’ In the words of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, ^Big sigh. Huge^. I may be paraphrasing. Yes. Yes, I’m absolutely sure it’s been an awful time for *checks notes* your penis. Just remind me, this is 2020, right? […]

To do list – 2020

• Marry an EU National. The end . . . . Only joking. About the ‘the end’ bit. Obvs. The marriage bit – notsamuch….. Otherwise this would qualify as the shortest (shittest) post I’ve ever written. This is not up for debate. Nobody seems to be taking me seriously. I’ve been tentatively tabling the idea […]

End of decade review

It’s a long one, strap in……. What. A. Decade. This time, ten years ago I was living with a man, managing a jazz festival in the north west of England and anticipating my oncoming forties with all the dread of a fever dream in which you are frozen to the spot as a juggernaut heads […]

World Mental Health Day 2019

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been three months since my last post and these are my sins…. I’m quite sure that not writing anything for this long is a mortal sin, but I need to look it up on Catholics.com (pretty much the exact name of the site I got the […]

For the love of sweet baby Jesus

What is with this heat? It’s not time….. Water is pouring out of every part of my body. What is happening? Why aren’t I smaller? Why this is hell, nor are am out of it….. I’m a bit hot. Scorching temperatures have arrived (it’s already 36 degrees) and are expected to increase in a freaky […]

How not to date – a simple tale

Act one: the set up Dipped my toe into Tinder’s murky waters for a couple of days. I swear, it’s as addictive as Lays campesina crisps. Or crack. I have partaken of only one of these. Nice chap, artist, illustrator, cartoonist, educator……… and founder of his own art-based charity to help refugee children. ^does a […]

Progress is a dish best served….

…extremely slowly. Never mind the slow-food revolution, I’m pioneering the slow-life movement. And when I say movement, I really mean a very gentle amble. When they say, don’t sweat the small stuff, you can guarantee I’m ‘glowing’ profusely pretty much all time. Progress is PANK speak for the smallest of things – paying a bill, […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #74

This time last year I was fully embracing my inner urban gardener, cultivating a couple of window boxes and pots from scratch and nurturing a jasmine, which was given to me as a present. My little balcony was becoming a pretty, twinkly haven. The only thing missing were fairies. They’re real. ^hard stare^. Granted, the […]