“It takes a whole village to raise a child”, or so the saying goes.  And so with people scattering around the world, becoming more and more solitary when they eventually land there (social media correspondents), and less and less interested to know those around us – a cursory nod to the neighbour, virtually extinct these days: it’s a wonder people are having children at all.  The ‘village’ is all but gone, unless you live in an actual village, in which case you’re all kinds of villagey – lucky you.  You can have all the babies.  It ain’t easy being solely responsible for a little human, no siree, and so you need all the help you can possibly get.  I see that with my mummy friends…. I’ve said it time and again, they’re totally amazing.  But what happens when the ‘rents are not around the corner, or your sibs are not a short drive away and your coven (those women you’d trust your own life to, therefore equally equipped to take your offspring off your hands), are all over the world?

My village (parents, siblings, friends) are scattered far and wide.  So I really don’t know how I could possibly have had children without my network around me, and say….  nip out for a spot of innocent afternoon drinking – and accidentally roll in at 4am. These are serious considerations.  How in God’s good name could I spontaneously book a flight to let’s say, Copenhagen, or thinking about it, everywhere and anywhere?

1. Book flight without thinking

2. Remember have kids

3. En route to airport, take kids out of school and drop at office of bemused friend, complete with instructions on a PostIt note, attached to one of them

4. Head to airport for five day trip

How could I not switch the alarm on for the Saturday morning and drink a bottle of wine while watching Masterchef on the evening of the Friday?  How could I even loll (before lol was a thing, it was a verb)…….

Definition: sit, lie, or stand in a lazy, relaxed way. 
example; “the two girls lolled in their chairs” 
synonyms: lounge, sprawl, drape oneself, stretch oneself, lie, sit, flop

…. all day, thinking about getting off my slightly-bigger-than-it-should-be backside (read: Kardashian-sized)?  And for the love of sweet little baby Hayzoos, how could I spend a day writing, rewriting and editing this blog post?

1. Call septuagenarian mother explaining that you need just another FOUR hours, to change ‘is not’ to ‘ain’t’, and back again a gazillion times.  So could she just pick the nippers up from after school club, make them tea, bathe them and deliver them at bedtime, like lovely snugly bugs in rugs.

2. Actually change ‘is not‘ to ‘ain’t‘, and back again a gazillion times, finally post, open wine smugly, and wait.

I’ve lived away from that invaluable support network since I was in my early twenties, so it’s never been an option, unless I wanted to stress myself all the way out to Hell and back, and meet myself coming back on any given day (that includes weekends, people).  So, without that tight knit group of loved ones around me, I’m afraid there was never going to be an option to pop a couple out.  I know my own capabilities, all too well.

And that is my ‘reasons why I don’t have kids’ #51.