I’ve outsourced my brain to my digital agenda….. 

How do you Mum’s actually do it?  I can’t remember to clean my teeth if it’s not in my diary and I’ve set three different alarms to alert me to the alarm that alerts me to my gob.  Everything is in there, from the run of the mill morning elevation, to which pants I’ve decided to wear, to putting one foot in front of the other.  Without this, I would be mooching about, scratching my head and thinking that there was something I was definitely supposed to be doing.  Like paying for the roof over my head and generally staying alive and in fine fettle.  

My mountain of washing only became apparent to me when I ran out of work clothes – because I had read and forgotten the weekend reminder to pay a visit to the launderette.  So even if it is in my handy pocket brain, I still can’t be relied on to complete the basic requirements expected of successful adulting. 

How would my diary look, if there were dependents in there too?  I would be constantly adding, updating and changing with one hand, while waving frantically to slow down with the other, trying to invoke calm and reduce the pace to a typeable speed.  Homework, packed lunches and gym kits would be forgotten or handed out on a Saturday, because I’d snoozed the reminder so many times. 

Feed children

Wash children 

Dress children 

…….would be the first three entries after: get up, don’t flap.

It’s very possible they’d be at home until they were old enough to fend for themselves; because it’s quite likely I’d forget they needed an education and hadn’t even enrolled them in school. 

And that is my ‘reasons why I don’t have kids’ #62.