It’s a pretty sad state of affairs when you set your relationship bar, by the high standards of a casual encounter born in a bar in 2015. But that’s exactly what I’ve done. That boy from Toulouse, who was briefly mentioned in my post Dating World Update was wonderful. Sweet, charming, gentlemanly and…….. on and on it goes. Proving even if it’s casual, it doesn’t have to be cold or brutal. And it most certainly was neither of those things.
They are few and far between these decent chaps, but I think it’s only fair to mention them in an ocean of experiences, conversations and posts about just how bloody crap they are – on the whole. Fast forward to March 2018. I’d had a dalliance with Bumble earlier in the year, which has not really taken off here – but there I was confronted with the craggy good looks of a ‘Dane living in Barcelona’, a beautiful black and white portrait that gave him the look of a sexy seafarer. He disappeared before I’d even worked up the courage to connect, in the blink of an eye and I was annoyed at myself. He was hot, I think I might have had butterflies. After a few more days I deleted Bumble and Tinder and just got on with stuff.
I logged back on to trusty old Tinder a couple of weeks ago to see who was about and lo and behold, the fruity fisherman was there! (He’s not actually a fisherman, but roll with it). I swiped immediately, and he swiped back. Waiiiitttt, whaaaaaattt??? It couldn’t be possible. Long story short we chatted briefly, made a plan and had a mad first date. One of those, that you never want to end. We chatted and laughed and continued drinking until the wee small hours. It was the best first date I’d had in……. like an eon. Second date planned, not so crazy, chat and laughs again. And then it was finished before it began.
A message from his native town, simply to say he didn’t feel ‘it’. And he also didn’t want to leave it the two/three weeks he was away to let me build up my excitement, only to be let down upon his return. I was fun, sexy, smart and we had lots in common, but ‘it’ just wasn’t present. And I get it. Completely. We’ve all said that at one point or another. On paper it should be bang on, but that certain je ne sais quoi, just isn’t fizzling. He is sweet and fun and sexy, and honest. Bloody hellfire, can you even imagine? It was ‘more about feelings for him’. Wow. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, UNIVERSE?!?!?! Sod’s bloody law, that the only man who has ever voiced those actual words to me in my entire time on this planet, is not into me! *shakes tiny fist at the heavens in outrage*. No ghosting, no game playing and with enough respect for another human being to lay out the simple facts, without digging any knife in any especially sensitive place (like say your heart, for example), unnecessarily. Unlike he who shall remain nameless…….. (read last year’s entries). What a massive breath of fresh sea air. I hope we stay in touch, he’s a very cool human being and I’ve let him know I’d like that. And if not, then so be it. I will however, always have that mini experience, along with the French brief encounter, that quite frankly left me with a much more pleasant aftertaste, than a lot of the other so-called serious (attempts) at relationships I’ve had in my lifetime. In terms of treating a fellow human with a modicum of respect in what could be a very delicate situation, those two men were streaks ahead.
The only fundamental difference between myself and my latest date, is that now I’m older, I value the ease with which I can be with someone, over the hot flushes, sweaty palms, palpitations of a first meeting – and for me those two evenings were so easy, it was as if we’d known each other for ages. For me that is ‘it‘. But it is what it is, and so to the Dane living in Barcelona and the Boy from Toulouse from way back when, I say – thank you.
And I end this post as I began, saying – isn’t it a sad state of affairs to feel so thankful for such a tiny glimpse of basic respect and sensitivity.