Because I would tell my daughters they were beautiful all the time and they would say, ‘but Muuuuum we’re not, we need the boob deodorant and we just want a lettuce leaf for tea.’ And I would make them meat and two veg. I would also ban all gossip magazines and television from my home and my daughters would hate me for it and run away to a place they could freely see Kim Kardashian (that was actually in the predictive text), spouting about her post baby workout (Lipo) and look at the ‘circles of shame’ around post-gym sweaty pits and cellulite.

And for this reason I would be a terrible mother to daughters and that is my ‘reasons why I don’t have kids’ #7.