On the whole I like to think that I am a nice, positive, amiable person.  But it is true that, on occasion I am not and am instead in a very, VERY bad mood for NO. GOOD. REASON.  Like today for example.

And when I am in said very, VERY bad mood for NO. GOOD. REASON I like to pretty much ignore the entirety of the human race.  (More for their safety and wellbeing than mine), and because they mostly annoy the freaking sh*t out of me – also, for no good reason apart from me being in a very, VERY bad mood for NO. GOOD. REASON – and so for everyone involved, it is best that I pretend none of them exist.

Now, if I had children, I would not be able to revel in the very, VERY bad mood for NO. GOOD. REASON and wallow in self-pity for several hours of the day, because children demand time and attention and if mummy was fuming, this would not be good and probably I would be raising them alone, (and that my friends, is a WHOLE other post),and so could not send them to bother their father while I stewed.

They would inevitably also ask, “but Mummy, why are you in such a very, VERY bad mood for NO. GOOD. REASON?” and I would say, “No reason”, and genuinely mean that and then that would confuse them and they would wander around the house aimlessly scratching their innocent little heads and wondering why I was in a very, VERY bad mood for NO. GOOD. REASON.  They would probably also assume they had been bad and it was their fault and then they would carry that with them for ever and have to see a shrink when they grew up to talk about their feelings of guilt and responsibility.

So, not wanting to burden my children with a lifetime of guilt and shrink bills is my ‘reasons why I don’t have kids’ #8.