I signed up to Dry January to raise a few bob for Alcohol Concern and to see if I remembered what it was like not to drink. I used to do it voluntarily years ago, but then it got harder and harder as there was the ‘after Christmas’ reunion (wine obligatory), a birthday (cava obligatory), a gig (beer obligatory). Also, after the last big knees up at the birthday of a friend, I really, honestly thought I was going to have a heart attack, as my heart pumped at double strength to try and eradicate the booze from my blood. I was genuinely scared.  And I was also a snog slag that night, my confidence buoyed by wine, cava, beer and cocktails.

I’ve been good so far, having discovered the taste of non-alcoholic beer and am looking for a good wine substitute. I obviously like the taste of alcohol. I don’t have great expectations apart from a humungus miracle change. Better skin, a smaller waistline (my age+cava/beer/wine/chorizo/cheese=an ever-increasing circumference), bigger bank balance – 2″ taller and 5 years younger. I’ve been drinking the green sludge in the picture for a couple of days too, thanks to the advice of my friends in London. The Super Scum contains a cocktail of green stuff, usually found atop ponds and washed up on beaches, but apparently I need it in my life for more energy and a better immune system.

I went for a fabulous lunch yesterday in an Argentinian restaurant, Gaucho’s, with my ex (more about THAT later) and wanted nothing more than to have a giant glass of amazing red to go with my incredible lump of cow.  I didn’t.

I’m going to tango tonight and this will also prove to be a challenge as I like nothing more than a glass or two of cava to fuel my ability and chatter.

Free Damm 0,0 is my new best friend.