I would be the worst kind of embarrassing parent. You see, I sometimes have to fight an overwhelming urge to lick beautiful arms attached to male humans.  I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about. No?  Just me then.

I’ve only actually done it on two occasions.  Both involved a cocktail, a dare and a post-lick winning smile.

Well, I say ‘winning’, one went well, the other, not so much……

So now, imagine if one of the male humans attached to the arm I decided to lick, happened to be a hot papa at the school gates?  My kids would have to leave that school immediately due to chronic embarrassment and would probably divorce me, in the style of a Hollywood child star.  And I wouldn’t want to be divorced TWICE.

And that is my ‘reasons why I don’t have kids’ #13.