BY ALL THE POWERS OF GRAYSKULL!!! What a year it’s been…..
Firstly and most significantly – maybe – this is the year I became a born-again virgin. What?! It’s a thing, alright. And guess what I didn’t do. That’s right, rampage around trying to shoot/mow down groups of men, because I felt rejected and impotent. Yes. I’m looking at you INCELS. Having broken up with the most significant relationship I’ve had in seven years in 2017, I took a little break from dating until the spring, where a couple of lovely chaps restored my faith in – well, the existence of lovely chaps. Always a good thing. This was also the year that I signed into the app again in the autumn and had a couple of dates with not so lovely chaps and then a lovely one and another not lovely one and….. the circle became complete. Wait! What’s that I hear? ^Elton John’s dulcet tones drift over^.
Trump continued to be a dick. The UK continued to be a dick.
However, there were some things to rejoice. A few. Mostly concerning women. But then I would say that – I have a vagina……… #TimesUp launched on the first of January in the wake of the Harvey Weinstein scandal and the #MeToo movement. A record number of women stormed the midterms in the US, Michelle Obama became the first person of colour to top the Christmas bestsellers list, and Beyoncé headlined Coachella. I don’t know what happened with the Kardashians, but that’s largely because I couldn’t give two hoots. Other historic events around the world included women given permission to drive in Saudi Arabia, Ireland voting to repeal its abortion ban, the “Year of the Woman“ swept the globe, Africa saw a really significant decline in female genital mutilation and Scotland became the first country to back teaching LGBTI issues in school. For the first time in Iran, women were allowed to attend men’s sporting events and India‘s Supreme Court decriminalised consensual gay sex. I mean, it is 2018.
There was that royal wedding. Don’t pretend you didn’t totally love it, because you totally did. And baby news swiftly followed. All together now, ‘aaaaaaawwww‘. ^Does cute love eyes here^. Also whispers out of corner of mouth, behind hand, “Blimey! They don’t muck about this lot, do they?” There apparently was another royal wedding but I don’t know which one it was, who it was, where it was or when it was…… because: NOT Prince Harry.
There were some record-breaking firsts: Black Panther raked in $25.2 million in the US box office in February not only doubling Deadpool’s previous February preview record of $12.7 million but also becoming one of the highest – grossing previews ever, for a superhero movie. Along with Crazy Rich Asians, they together kicked the lack of Hollywood diversity square in the nuts, paving the way for the future of diverse film making. Finally! Again: Well, it is 2018.
Then there was the downright weird. It wouldn’t be a decent end of year round up without the weird, would it now? Kanye West sporting a Chinese-produced MAGA cap in the Oval Office, telling journalists that Trump made him feel ‘like a superhero’, has got to be the most surreal thing we’ve seen yet (until next week, when I believe Trump has an appointment with a re-animated John Lennon), Roseanne Barr claiming antihistamines made her racist and Trump’s propaganda video in the style of a North Korean dictator, to highlight his meeting with…….. a North Korean dictator. You couldn’t make it up.
• Oversized clothing – check
• Tiny, shouty mouth – check
• fire and brimstone graphics – check
• Dubious hair choices – check
Trump to chief of communications, “Hey man, we’re good to go!”
Chief of communications to self ^repeated punching in own throat^.
There was a mountain more of crazy from across the Atlantic, but we haven’t got the time or space to look at it here – I try to keep these reviews shortish and sweetish.
And so here we are at the end of another year, full of mince pies, port and Quality Streets. It seems then only right to reflect on what has passed (me falling in love just a little bit more with Bradley Cooper, in A Star Is Born), and what we want to achieve in 2019 (the first successful unicorn breeding program and failing that; worry-free happiness). And with that in mind it’s time for me to sign out with this:
I hope you enjoyed the festivities, I hope your New Year’s Eve shenanigans fulfill your wildest expectations and most importantly – that 2019 delivers something positive and beautiful to your door….
Much love and affection
Your, Annie P