SOMEBODY FUCKING HUG ME already! For the love of sweet baby Jesus (topical) and all that is holy in the world, including mother Mary, and the universe, HUG ME! I’m imagining that this intense desire, deep within a place I didn’t know existed in me, is akin to the craving women get for babies. Am […]
BY ALL THE POWERS OF GRAYSKULL!!! What a year it’s been….. Firstly and most significantly – maybe – this is the year I became a born-again virgin. What?! It’s a thing, alright. And guess what I didn’t do. That’s right, rampage around trying to shoot/mow down groups of men, because I felt rejected and impotent. […]
I’m about to admit a failing. Buckle up. It has been increasingly difficult to write the funny stuff these last two years, when the world appears to be completely engulfed in flames. I’ve written as much and as often as possible, and tried to keep the ol’ pecker up in true Blighty style and not […]
2017 was the year I had a relationship. And then I did not have a relationship. The End. Only joking! Lots of other stuff happened. Maybe not quite as important, but you know, you gotta be accommodating with these things. So let’s *begin the begin (as the late great Julio Iglesias once sang) – Is […]
Well, what a year this has been, and it’s not over yet. The election result in the USA last week was for me, the sledgehammer blow of realisation; we are not progressing. Right now humanity is hopeless. And to my nieces and nephews I say: sorry. I thought we were better than this. I thought […]
So, in the midst of post-Brexit chaos, the fight for the leadership of the Conservative party rumbles on, tossing aside carcasses as if mown down by the wheel-blades of some post apocalyptic desert vehicle from Mad Max. First Boris ‘take back control, until I need to actually take control’ Johnson, followed by Liam ‘nepotism is […]
My heart is broken. Physically, I am displaying the following symptoms; dull ache in the chest, gut wrenching and knotted stomach. Emotionally, an overwhelming sadness. I can’t stop crying. Last time I experienced these was when a significant long-term romantic relationship ended. Which means that I was actually in love with the European Union, and […]
With a little over a week to go until the biggest decision the British public have faced, and are likely to face in their lifetime, I thought it only right as an aunty to ten munchkins in Blighty; to proffer my concerns for their future. There has been much weeping and wailing and beating of breasts […]
What a time to be alive!!! And I don’t know how to write that in a way that you’ll understand just how sad the whole sorry mess is. And that I am in no way joking. Dennis Leary said it best when he said, ‘Racism isn’t born, folks, it’s taught. I have a two-year-old son. […]
The Secret Diary of Anne Pank 