Relax!! Let’s go for a beer and have some fun, for Christ’s sake.

STATS:

Liked me – 192, including Justin Bieber, Heath Ledger and Kurt Russell

Visitors – 112 (I know, I don’t understand this either)

Added as favourite – 6

No. of threatening messages – 0

No. of strops for no immediate return of greeting – 0

No. of people with tattoos on their FACES – 0

No. of p*nis photos – 0

No. of interesting people, who didn’t do any of the above – 0

1 million x uninspirational conversations

Lovoo, Lovoo, Lovoo, I’m not quite sure I understand the point of you.  You’re all about the bells and whistles, with flashing lights and booping things and you’re very colourful and all, in stark contrast to the few conversations I had during my twenty four hours gracing your pages.

The last 24-hours on another dating app, under another guise, of not knowing what I want and ‘let’s just go for a beer and see what happens‘, didn’t actually reveal as much as I had hoped. But maybe the nondescript contacts were directly correlated to my nondescript profile.  What did I expect?

It appears that, from the different reactions between the sites and my different approaches, the more desperate for a relationship you appear to be, the more you also appear to be ‘fair game’. In as much as, you’ll do anything or accept any behaviour, just to get a sniff of a potential relationship. Maybe send a photo of your breasts to a complete stranger, or not bat an eyelid when his greasy todger arrives in all it’s flaccid glory (what IS it with the flaccid shots? If you’re trying to impress me, that’s not the way to go about it), in your private messages.

Most baffling of all was the distinct lack of interest from the overtly sexual profile. But having gone for lunch with the only interesting person from site one, who also unfortunately popped up and rumbled me on site two (damn it, foiled again), I discovered something more interesting than I could have imagined.

I came clean about what I was doing, over a salad to Mr Interesting, who was happy to chat about his experience, and give me a man’s perspective. His theory about the lack of interest to ‘I want sex‘, was that recently, these dating apps were being inhabited by professionals. Meaning that prostitutes were now using them as an additional marketing tool. So for the chaps, seeing such a direct message as mine, probably made them suspicious of who I was having been stung in the past. When chatting to what they thought to simply be a pretty woman happy to chat a bit dirty, they were surprised when she then revealed herself to expect payment if he wanted the chat to progress any further.

Disappointing for the men, and worse than that, for any people really looking for potential relationships. Not only do we have normal competition from our peers and the younger, taller, blonder, we now have to contend with maybe slipping through the net completely – as gentlemen now need to sift through more and more women to get to the genuine ones.

It’s all too confusing, and frustrating. For someone who is simply looking to meet interesting people and seeing what transpires, it seems impossible. You are either perceived to want to only get married or want to only get laid; no middle ground.

And I don’t want the pressure of people thinking that I’m either of those.

Another chap who I chatted to during this week, seemed to be of the exact same mind as me. He explained, “I just want to meet new people. If something else develops, then so be it, but I don’t have an agenda.” We’ll definitely meet for a drink, with the following proviso agreed between us: “Just don’t you try and seduce me.”

If only it was always this easy.