Because I am Lady Jesus and just look at what happened the first time I was around, walking the Earth and doing goodness to and for all.  Anyone connected to me was doubted, chased, persecuted, whipped, killed etc. etc.  I could go on….. terrible times.  I feel really bad about it.

Now, knowing what it’s like to be a child of a supreme being (love you Dad God), I could not bring children into the world with the burden of Lady Jesus for a mum.  My conscience couldn’t allow it.  If I did, they would go to school and say, ‘my mum is Jesus’, and the teachers would phone me to come to school to discuss little Johnny’s ‘issues’.  There would be all kinds of problems with the other kids, their parents wouldn’t want their children to mix with mine, for fear they would develop an inferiority complex.  Maybe my kids would think that I could use my Jesus-ness and brain magic to get them the most up-to-date iPhone/scooter/ponies/house in the Alps for skiing/Kim Kardashian – delete as appropriate, and I wouldn’t want to bow to pressure and produce spoilt brats (and share my house with KK).  Finally the authorities would have to invent some kind of new religious witness protection programme and my children would be spirited away….. yep, I said ‘spirited’.

For their own protection, the authorities might think that the children would need complete disassociation from Lady Jesus mum, for fear of religion connected reprisals, and place them somewhere on completely the other end of the scale, say for example with a devil worshipping cult in a cave in Transylvania (or somewhere similar).  All of this would create terrible confusion and inner conflict, nature (Lady Jesus) vs nurture (devil worshipping cult).  As a result they would probably end up in therapy for the rest of their lives discussing the angel and devil on their shoulders.

And that is my ‘reasons why I don’t have kids’ #11.