My inner dialogue is shocking, even to me, sometimes…… those of a nervous disposition look away now.

Zara, Passeig de Gracia, Saturday 11th January – SALES:

14:45 – “Don’t f**%$!% push, ffs!!”

14:47 – “Put the coat down, I need to see the size, I want it in medium.  Put the coat down, put the coat down, put the coat down, put the coat down, put the coat down, put the coat DOWN.  Ah F**@, she didn’t put the coat down.”

14:58 – “Ooooohhhh, I forgot my green juice this morning.”

15:12 – “EXCUSE me usually helps you ignorant f&%*!”

15:15 – “Are you F*$#%*& sh**ing ME?!?!?!?!”

15:19 – “?@!%$ !!*^£$$STW**#S**#S**#Don’t f**%$!% Don’t f**%$!% *”?@%$ f**^£*”?@%$ f**^£*”?@%$ C*^£*”?@%$ sh*^£*”?@%$ f**^£*”?@%$ f**^£*”?@%$ f**^£*”?@%$ f**C*^£*”?@%^£*”?@er%$ f**^£*”?@%$ f**^£*”?@%$ f**^Don’t f**%$!% f**^£*”?@%$ f% *”?@%$ f**^£!!!!!!!!”

15:32 – “Must not forget to buy noodles, must not forget to buy noodles, must not forget to buy noodles.”

15:45 – “Jesus CHRIST what is the matter with you?!  You f*”?@%$ f**^£$$”

15:51 – “It is quite possible that I will die in this branch of Zara today.”

16:04 – “If you so much as touch those shoes, which I have laid neatly upon the pile of things that are quite clearly mine and obviously not Zara sale items (scrappy five year-old bag, coat from George at bloody Asda, that a Spanish brand is it????  Scuffed and creased boots and a pair of f*!@king thermal socks), while I try something else on, I WILL rip off your face.”

16:17 – “siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggghhhh.”

16:23 – “YES!!” actual fist pump.

16:37 – “Am I still here?”

16:38 – “Are YOU still here?!”

16:39 – “Dear God……..  I’m sorry for all the bad things I have done, love Anne.”

16:51 – “F*#!% this S**# all to Hell!!”

16:59 – “I LOVE my new shoes and ‘Amore‘ jumper.  Sqquuueeeeeeeeee!!”