International Women’s Day 2017

Here I stand, proud possessor of boobs, saluting all great women everywhere. Past and present.  (Pssssst, just for the record, I also admire great men too, before y’all start freaking out.  It’s just that today is International Women’s Day, and that’s what I’m talking about).  How quickly time flies when you’re still fighting the good fight.  It’s come around again so quickly, and maybe particularly pertinent in these difficult, strange times.  Why, the President of the United States of America boasted about grabbing women’s pussies some years ago, on record, and he still won the American election.  His female supporters donned t-shirts saying, ‘You can grab my ….. ‘ and an arrow pointing down to their….. well, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out where.  And a gazillion women who don’t actually want their prized possession grabbed by a very angry , shouty man – face palmed in unison.  Just this week, right-wing MEP Janusz Korwin-Mikke stated that women should be paid less because, “they are weaker, they are smaller, they are less intelligent”.  Yes, we all went to sleep last night and woke up at the beginning of the 20th century, when a woman’s sole purpose was to look pretty and breed.  

I salute you madame, shooting turkeys with your musket, in your ballet slippers

Oh, and maybe do some dainty needlework, watercolour painting or tinkling the ivories, to concentrate her notoriously flighty lady brain.  But only a little, we don’t want to over do it, love.  And of course, for her proud husband to show off to his mates.  I think women took up extreme hobbying to stop themselves getting stabby with the mind numbing boredom of it all. What with not being able to vote or have an opinion or work ‘n’ stuff.

Now, here’s a thing you might not know.  Buckle up, it’s going to get crazy – we can look pretty, breed and (wait for it), earn our own dollar……. 

No?!  You shut all the way up!  

Yes.  Yes we can.  And we can do it all pretty successfully too.  Mind blowing, I know.  And we can do it all, not necessarily in that order.  And sometimes not all of those.  In fact some of us, only the last.  And you know what, it’s OK and it’s none of your damn business.  And that’s the point.  Mind your own bloody business when it comes to how women look, whether they have children or not, how they dress, what they do for a living and how they manage their own bodies.  Why do you care so much?  Jesus dude, have a word with yourself about that tie, lose the beer gut and make sure your penis is completely dry, before you put it back in your pants.  Honestly!  How hard can that really be?  And then, when you’re perfect (and dribble-free), you come back and have a chat.  Actually, don’t. 

And as for you Mr Korwin-Mikke, well let me tell you something.  I once had the same problem as Nicole Kidman with Mr  Cruise, and had to don flats all the time for one particular ‘gentleman’ I was dating.  I’m five foot one.  And I don’t fancy your chances (or many other chaps’) against Ronda Rousey.  So you know, blanket generalisations are bullshit.  

It would be just like me saying, every man is a f*cking idiot, led by their d*ck with no moral compass.  It simply isn’t true. (It’s actually only about ninety percent of the men my friends and I have dated over the last decade or so). 

So back the hell off, wontcha.

I was remarkably proud of the mobilisation of millions around the world, for the Women’s March.  It was a global illustration of frustration at the current state of the world, but more it was an epic demonstration of inclusivity. You see that’s the very point everyone seems to be missing, (I’m looking at you Piers Morgan).  Everyone was welcome on those marches around the world.  United in the fight for fairness and equality for all.  

Feminism by name, equality by nature.  No-one has the right to oppress another person.  Peel off our skins and we are all, in the most simplistic way, more or less the same underneath.  (But please don’t try this at home. A medical journal will suffice. Or Google. Natch).  As the late Jo Cox said, “we have more in common, than that which divides us”.  

So think on that, and celebrate International Women’s Day.  Or at the very least, just accept it – without prejudice. 

Much love to all.

AP xx

p.s. International Men’s Day is November 19th, so relax, you get one too.


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