Reasons why I don’t have kids #20

I would periodically feed them lumps of cheese, for one of the following reasons: For educational purposes.  You see, I think it’s a little ‘exotic’ – ssoooooo Italian/French/Swiss, so I am in actual fact, expanding their minds. I am brassic and it’s all I can afford I am lazy (A combination of the two immediately above)   […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #19

They would spend four or five weeks of every year terrified of their grotesque, hayfever misshapen mother, who also happens to be very grumpy at this time. (And the rest of the year scared of her for other reasons including days when she was in a ‘very bad mood for no reason’, time of the month […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #17

Because, this madame would have been greeted by her bags on the doorstep and sent packing to the house of John Inglesino, who represented her in court and is the father of her best friend. Maybe not the best example of teenage parenting………. I concede. #whataspoiltbrat

Reasons why I don’t have kids #15

I have a really, very unhealthy obsession with men dressed as pirates, which goes so far as to me casually dropping into conversation with one of my students, a professional who recently held a fancy dress party for his partner’s birthday, to next time please theme it as pirates to ensure my attendance.  And also, upon seeing my ex […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #14

I am not very good when I am ill with *little things, like my ‘front head (otherwise known as my face) cold syndrome’.  I soldier on and go to work (mainly because I am freelance and have to because I don’t get paid if I don’t), am a martyr to the cause and like to go […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #12

I’m often smacked off my t*ts on Haribo. And when I’m smacked off my t*ts on Haribo I am out of CONTROL, man.  I can’t control my limbs, I see sparks, I can’t control my tongue, I’m unpredictable. I would fight my children for Haribo.  I would fight other people’s children for Haribo. And that […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #11

Because I am Lady Jesus and just look at what happened the first time I was around, walking the Earth and doing goodness to and for all.  Anyone connected to me was doubted, chased, persecuted, whipped, killed etc. etc.  I could go on….. terrible times.  I feel really bad about it. Now, knowing what it’s like to […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #10

I never met a man I looked at and thought “I have such a huge, aching love for you inside me that the only way possible to illustrate the strength of that is to have your baby.  I want your baby, I love you that much.” Which is kind of how I imagined you would know you were […]