I like to sleep. This is a valid reason. I like to sleep a lot. And lie in at the weekend. And go out until the wee small hours with no military operation and added expense of organising sitters/overnight carers/surrogate mothers (or fathers. No sexism here). I like siestas when I’ve got a couple of hours […]
I mean, what if we are nothing more than immensely sophisticated machines? Hear me out. My programmed obsolescence appears to have kicked in. It’s a thing. Hi, face (and the rest of me), let me introduce you to gravity. Oh yeah, back, hips, you can’t bend now. Quick, deploy emergency pigeon and puppy pose. Hell, […]
Can I put ‘epic hugger’, ‘awesome present buyer’, ‘teacher of how to do the splits, while fuzzy on red wine’ on my curriculum vitae? And if so, are these skills of any interest at all to two teenagers who are auditioning girlfriends for their dad? I’m in my first significant relationship since the Mexican and […]
Sometimes, I get a massage from a student!! Well, today was the first time, but hey, who’s counting?? I have had the most excrutiating pain in my right shoulder blade and collar bone and right down my right arm for three days, which has kept me awake and made me just the tiniest bit (foul […]
That moment when you’re in the supermarket queue with your deliciously satisfying non-alcoholic beer, ‘Friday night is treat night’, large ham and mozzarella pizza (for one) and all the extra trimmings: salami, olives, cheese, mushrooms, etc. etc. because there’s just not quite enough lard on there and that MoFo ain’t gonna pimp itself, no siree; […]
…… but I’m beginning to think that alcohol is actually the glue that was holding this ol’ body together!! It’s almost ten days into Dry January and my face is falling off in great big lumps of dry skin (little flakey patches actually), and I’m more than a little certain that that extra three kilos […]
You will mostly find me here for the foreseeable future.