…….. if they can’t get you good and bloody drunk, make you cry laughing, have a good sob with you, take you to get your first tattoo and pass on the number of their divorce lawyer? I mean really, what more is there? The foundation of friendship for me, is a shared sense of humour, […]
Well…… I’ll be. Even I haven’t been able to act the clown I usually am, and make funnies these last few (very significant) months. This has proven a problem for someone who mostly writes about nonsense and shenanigans – oh, and not being a mother. (Which for me, are in fact intrinsically linked). The world’s […]
Here I stand, proud possessor of boobs, saluting all great women everywhere. Past and present. (Pssssst, just for the record, I also admire great men too, before y’all start freaking out. It’s just that today is International Women’s Day, and that’s what I’m talking about). How quickly time flies when you’re still fighting the good […]
…. like we need that weird pair gloves from the Innovations Catalogue, made of towel, that are redundant, because you know: towels. Yep, it’s that time of year again, when we gaze longingly into the jeweller’s window, surreptitiously glance at the overpriced heart-shaped menu as we pass the restaurant, and are bombarded with guilt-inducing images […]
We are entering an age where the world is run by comic book villains. Ain’t nobody got time for fighting the baddies while desperately trying not to create the despots and dictators of the future. What is wrong with these people?! Was quite literally everyone in the whole wide world so badly neglected, or […]
Ms Anne Pank some dark, gothic street Barcelona Dear Mr Trump, I hope you don’t mind me getting in touch with you like this, but the desire was too strong to ignore. You are now in charge of the most powerful country in the world. Don’t f*ck it up. I do […]
The bubbling fountain of raging lava percolating under the surface of my subconscious, ready to explode at the first sight of (what should be) utterly unbelievable news, seen on social media on a daily basis. I thought that maybe, with the turning of a new annual leaf, 2017 might gift me with a calmer disposition. […]
Well, hello there new year, what’s occurring? Whatever it is, please don’t let it be a repeat of last year’s epic b*ll*cks. Thanks ever so much, old chap. So……. we’re almost a week in and I haven’t bothered to promise to do anything, because I’ve finally made my peace with the fact that I have […]
What an epic year it’s been. For all the wrong reasons. For starters, I think we might have seen some of the Grim Reaper’s finest work. EVER. He got super slashy with the old scythe, over-enthusiastically mowing down: Prince, David Bowie, Victoria Wood, Robert Vaughn, Leonard Cohen, Pete Burns, Jean Alexander, Gene Wilder, Caroline Aherne, […]
Let’s all cup the bulbous bits between our legs in solidarity with our brothers, and cheer the menfolk of the world: Hip hip hooray! Hip hip hooray! Hip hip HURRAH! All around the world, men are or will be raising a tinny or two to celebrate the only day of the year, where they feel completely […]
The Secret Diary of Anne Pank 