How your body changes in your forties – a scientific report

!! EVERYTHING YOU EAT GOES STRAIGHT TO YOUR BUM AND YOUR HORMONES MAKE YOUR CHEST GROW UNCONTROLLABLY !! THE END. No, really, here’s how it’s panning out……. Strange things are a happnin’ in ol’ PANKsville, over yonder way….. (for reasons unbeknownst to even me, it appears that I have adopted the persona of a suspicious […]

Today I am forty-five

   Firstly, I am writing this with a bottle of Moet open, accompanied by a meticulously planned dream breakfast of freshly squeezed orange juice, coffee and a toasted bagel, smeared with cream cheese and topped with smoked salmon, a squeeze of lemon and a sprinkle of black pepper.  I feel like I’m on death row, […]

Things I learnt in 2013

Men have a propensity to lie (sometimes this is misguided niceness and preferential to ‘hurting’ someone with the truth, but most of the time it is not). If you eat all the tortilla, chorizo, fuet, cheese, millionaire’s shortbread and pan con tomate you put on weight. If you drink too much you get drunk (and […]