Reasons why I don’t have kids #12

I’m often smacked off my t*ts on Haribo. And when I’m smacked off my t*ts on Haribo I am out of CONTROL, man.  I can’t control my limbs, I see sparks, I can’t control my tongue, I’m unpredictable. I would fight my children for Haribo.  I would fight other people’s children for Haribo. And that […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #10

I never met a man I looked at and thought “I have such a huge, aching love for you inside me that the only way possible to illustrate the strength of that is to have your baby.  I want your baby, I love you that much.” And that’s kind of how I imagined you would know you were […]

Things I learnt in 2013

Men have a propensity to lie (sometimes this is misguided niceness and preferential to ‘hurting’ someone with the truth, but most of the time it is not). If you eat all the tortilla, chorizo, fuet, cheese, millionaire’s shortbread and pan con tomate you put on weight. If you drink too much you get drunk (and […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #2

I can barely get my own sh*t organised. Take for example, yesterday.  My first day back to work.  Understand that I had been on holiday since the 23rd December, I had also had a whole week back in Barcelona before I had my first class, which did not start until 2pm, TWO PM IN THE […]

Reasons why I don’t have kids #1

I like to sleep.  This is a valid reason. I like to sleep a lot.  And lie in at the weekend. And go out until the wee small hours with no military operation and added expense of organising sitters/overnight carers/surrogate mothers (or fathers.  No sexism here).  I like siestas when I’ve got a couple of hours […]

Hi, I’m Anne Pank

I’m pretty sure there’s a very good reason I don’t have kids.  Deep down my witchy senses tell me that the Universe had a large hand in saving some poor, unsuspecting little mites the pitying glances of other, more responsible and deserving adults, as mummy left them tethered outside the supermarket where the doggies should […]