I would be the worst kind of embarrassing parent. You see, I sometimes have to fight an overwhelming urge to lick beautiful arms attached to male humans. I’m sure you all know what I’m talking about. No? Just me then. I’ve only actually done it on two occasions. Both involved a cocktail, a dare and […]
On the whole I like to think that I am a nice, positive, amiable person. But it is true that, on occasion I am not and am instead in a very, VERY bad mood for NO. GOOD. REASON. Like today for example. And when I am in said very, VERY bad mood for NO. GOOD. […]
Because I would tell my daughters they were beautiful all the time and they would say, ‘but Muuuuum we’re not, we need the boob deodorant and we just want a lettuce leaf for tea.’ And I would make them meat and two veg. I would also ban all gossip magazines and television from my home […]
Because Mums know everything and are always right. FACT. See my ‘Things I learnt in 2013’… And I don’t and I am not. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I sometimes misjudge the simple things, like what time I need to leave the house to get to work on time. When I say sometimes, […]
I spend a lot of time gazing at newly purchased, beautiful shoes. I also put them on and take them off repeatedly, I walk around in them a bit, just to check they are still as beautiful and sexy on, as they are off. Usually, thankfully, they are. Now, if I had children I would […]
My life has been, periodically, like a telenovela. **sigh*
Wrap it up, wrap it up <does that choppy neck gesture thing>. It’s time. Does anyone know how to end things well? Drop me a line. I’m never very good with goodbyes. It feels right to end things here as the last two years have gifted numerous natural conclusions (except this fucking pandemic, apparently). We […]
From my end of year review 2020 – ‘As the weirdest year in our history (I hope) comes to a close, a tiny glimmer of light can be seen as vaccine programmes are rolled out around the globe. However, I am being cautious with my optimism. I’ve vowed to never say, ‘this is it, this […]
I’m menopausal. ~ The end ~
I mean, what if we are nothing more than immensely sophisticated machines? Hear me out. My programmed obsolescence appears to have kicked in. It’s a thing. Hi, face (and the rest of me), let me introduce you to gravity. Oh yeah, back, hips, you can’t bend now. Quick, deploy emergency pigeon and puppy pose. Hell, […]
The Secret Diary of Anne Pank 