I never met a man I looked at and thought “I have such a huge, aching love for you inside me that the only way possible to illustrate the strength of that is to have your baby. I want your baby, I love you that much.” Which is kind of how I imagined you would know you were […]
I would teach them to say thank you to the Gods of everything, every day. For example the Gods of Sudocrem, fishfingers and beans, the Gods of colouring pencils, wellie boots and Ladybird books. Because of this, they would be called weirdos by their classmates and probably get bullied a bit. Which, speaking from experience, […]
Because I would tell my daughters they were beautiful all the time and they would say, ‘but Muuuuum we’re not, we need the boob deodorant and we just want a lettuce leaf for tea.’ And I would make them meat and two veg. I would also ban all gossip magazines and television from my home […]
Because Mums know everything and are always right. FACT. See my ‘Things I learnt in 2013’… And I don’t and I am not. Not by any stretch of the imagination. I sometimes misjudge the simple things, like what time I need to leave the house to get to work on time. When I say sometimes, […]
I spend a lot of time gazing at newly purchased, beautiful shoes. I also put them on and take them off repeatedly, I walk around in them a bit, just to check they are still as beautiful and sexy on, as they are off. Usually, thankfully, they are. Now, if I had children I would […]
I’m an incredibly talented time waster (see previous post) and children would only serve to cramp this remarkable and rare ability and that wouldn’t be good for anyone. You see, there is in fact absolutely NO time to waste when you have children; unless you have mastered space/time continuum, have discovered a wormhole which you […]
My life has been, periodically, like a telenovela. **sigh*
I like to sleep. This is a valid reason. I like to sleep a lot. And lie in at the weekend. And go out until the wee small hours with no military operation and added expense of organising sitters/overnight carers/surrogate mothers (or fathers. No sexism here). I like siestas when I’ve got a couple of hours […]
2017 was the year I had a relationship. And then I did not have a relationship. The End. Only joking! Lots of other stuff happened. Maybe not quite as important, but you know, you gotta be accommodating with these things. So let’s *begin the begin (as the late great Julio Iglesias once sang) – Is […]
BOOM! Copenhagen booked for March…… largely in part to escape from the fact that I will have just become five years away from the big 5 – 0. Freakin’ out, freakin‘ out, freakin‘ out….. (I foresee this is the way it will be every five years from now until, well, until infinity.) But also to […]
The Secret Diary of Anne Pank 